admirschleck - Thanks so much. I don't feel like I'm wasting energy here. I love cycling so it's great I can combine my writing with this. Thanks for your honesty
Shonak - Thanks
rogvi97 - I guess it's too late for that, though...
Jakstar22 - If that is at all possible!
People are hard on Matt here
If I had to take a guess, I'd say he's not the World Champion you would've liked to see, am I right?
Anyway, hope to do an update today, but I'm not sure what's next yet so it might take a bit longer!
For some time, I had considered myself a lucky man. I laughed at the idea of some curse that befalls on the rainbow jersey. You make your own destiny, there is no such thing as a curse.
And so I opened my winning season in Oman. The rainbow showed all its colors, in all its glory. All through the Spring Classics, I was having my best season ever. Or so I thought.
Only now do I realize I had been cursed. Worse than I could have ever imagined. I was no longer wearing the rainbow jersey, instead, the rainbow jersey was wearing me. I was consumed by it. That one race changed the way I saw things, the way I did things, the way I was. After Roubaix, I took a week off, and finally I had some time and distance to reflect on whatever had been happening since that World Championship in Colombia.
It was a rough seven days, but it was necessary. I came to realize that I had let my favorite hobby turn into a real job. I had let my sense of decency turn into a killer instinct, a cold blooded gut feeling for glory, no matter what. And this was not the man I was, or wanted to be.
I came to one conclusion: that jersey did not make me happy.
There was a choice to be made. Maybe the hardest choice I've ever had to make. A choice which would shock the world. But I had to make it. For my wife, for my friends, for my own, very soul.
So exactly eight days after Paris - Roubaix, I walked into Tom Boonen's office and I was all ready to go into a little speech I had prepared, about a man's dignity, a sense of decency and all that jazz. But when I sat down and looked into the man's face, I saw there was another way. This was the face of a true champion, a true human being.
So I realized there was no running away from this. I made some questionable moves, that is correct. I messed up what could've been an amazing friendship, that, too, is correct. But running away is not the answer. I have to stay and fix this, for the team, for my fans and for myself. At the end of the day, I'm still so much in love with the sport, and I couldn't bear watching the new season kick off with me at the side line. I still have so much to offer and so much to do. Retiring now would be a big mistake.
So I explained my problems to Tom and he was as good a guy about it as I would've thought. He brought Greg in and we talked it out, like men. We'll never be friends again, but we've both accepted what has happened. Tom said one more thing before sending me back to the training:
"Don't look back. You can't change what was. Look to the future, you have that in your own hands. I expect you back in full focus for the Tour of Belgium. No excuses."
That night I came home and went straight to my closet. I took off my sweater and picked up my rainbow jersey again. I put it on and looked in the mirror.
Reunite with your friend!!!!!! You didn't deserve your spring quartet though 
