No need to preview a month which has already happened a long time ago. That would be weird right, writing down our expectations while we know we did not achieve them by a lot?
Cheshire Cycling Tour
A race which should Zepuntke but he lost half an hour on the first stage. You read that right. Vesely had two mediocre sprints but got on the podium on the third attempt. Zepuntke tried to make amends on the final stage but a puncture dropped him back. 106th place it is then.
Rating:
Cheshire more like Cheshit.
Windhoek ITT
Janse van Rensburg came here for a top ten, and finished ninth. Haga twenty-first, Barton twenty-ninth.
Rating:
Points are points.
Chrono d'Arenberg
Another time trial, but this one is in a higher division and also contains cobblestones. Still, Janse van Rensburg finished ninth again, talking about consistency! Rekita twenty-seventh, Zepuntke fourty-ninth.
Rating:
Better than Windhoek so an extra banana.
Malopolski Wyscig
More cobblestones, but Zepuntke bounced back from his drama at the start of the month. He was amongst the elite selection of fourth, but had no answer to Altur's attack. He dropped Summerhill and lost the sprint to Vanbilsen, but a third place is a nice way to forget about the misery!
Rating:
I only remember getting quite drunk.
Int. Osterreich Rundfahrt
Uran again showed signs of age on the opening mountain stages, not even making the top ten. Young Hodeg got his best elite result to date with a fifth place on the stage three sprint and a sixth place on the sixth stage. Our moment of glory came on stage four, with Ivanov going into a break which was allowed to go, and somehow winning the stage! Uran's final stage TT elevated him to the top ten, but exactly tenth which is five places shy of the goal.
Rating:
A failed goal but an impressive Bulgarian.
Olympia's Tour
The Netherlands are flat so we only have flat stages and time trials. The flat stages were a waste as Kalaba never got a top-twenty. The trio of Haga, Janse van Rensburg and Kalaba got in or close to the top ten on both short time trials, but third place on the team time trial was our best result. As such, Haga took sixth in the GC, Janse van Rensburg seventh and Rekita twelfth, while Kalaba won the white jersey!
Rating:
Have you ever seen such a great team performance.
That Malopolski sprint was painful to watch, two dead riders going at like 25km/h I do still feel sorry about ordering you that Balsam Pomorski though, I had no clue you were going to take a dump on the finish line with most of the riders still coming in
Also, Cheshire was actually a fun race to report on, can't believe it's already been so long ago. If you're in it again next year I'll make sure to give Zepuntke that +10 mountain so he can go for a top-75.
Three one-day events and two tours, June was a relatively quiet month. I probably slept a lot.
Hanko Classic
Vesely continues to elevate himself to head Minion by taking a third place in Finland!
Rating:
Uran who?
Grands Prix Cyclistes
Two hilly stages in Quebec City and Montreal. Claeys is supposed to lead out team which normally is a sign things end up badly, but he actually finished eighth in Quebec City. A thirty-seventh place in Montreal and a twenty-eighth place overall is back to familiar territory though.
Rating:
Still, could be (and will be) worse.
Riga - Jurmala GP
Back to the flat and another chance for Vesely, but he was fooled into a late attack instead of waiting for the sprint. He only finished twenty-fifth while waiting for the sprint should have brought him at least tenth, so some points wasted there.
Rating:
Strategical stroke.
Tour of South Africa
The longest event of the month with six stages. Claeys showed a glimpse of hope by finishing fifth on stage one. He managed to finish in the front group on the next two stages. A fourth place in the TTT brought him back into the top ten, and he then finished sixth on the toughest stage of the race. Could it be! He did not squander the opportunity and took seventh on the final stage, and fifth overall!
Rating:
We definitely did not dope him.
Monterrey TTT
Our yearly TTT event with the goal to reach the podium for the first time. We started off very strongly, only beaten by Repsol at the first checkpoint. Then we caught up to Trans Cycling Team and what happened next is unbelievable: they wouldn't let us pass! We were much faster, but they just spread all over the road and there was nothing we could do. The officials looked on and did not act. Because of this, we dropped back to fifth at the finish line, whereas we should have been on the podium at least. We were on fire!
Rating:
A certain team had bananas thrown at them for the rest of the season.
Only three races this month, so it was over quite quickly. Thus, this review is also short.
Tour of the Middle East
Our somewhat home race, as it has a stage in Qatar. The mountain stages are for Uran but without TT the chances of winning are slim. Vesely sprinted to sixth and second which is quite good. Uran did not lose time on the hilly stage and finished third on the mountain stage, which is also his final GC position.
Rating:
Performing in front of the Sheikh, what pressure?
Celtic Chrono
A time trial with some hilly influence. Janse van Rensburg sixteenth, Haga twentieth and Barton thirtieth is mediocre.
Rating:
Points are points.
Tour of Slovenie
We fell three seconds short of winning the team time trial. Haga and Selander remained in contention after the second hilly stage, while Kalaba sprinted to a P3 on S3. Selander lost his GC place after the TT but Haga maintained ninth, and even got up to seventh by being awake on the final stage.
Contrary to July, August is a very busy month with no less than seven events. This means I also have to write seven recaps. Perhaps I should have done this at the actual end of August.
Benelux Challenge
Everything but climbing in this race, but due to a cobblestone clash we could not send that part of the squad. Stage one is our wet dream, with the results still hanging above my bed: Rosas first, Kalaba second (in the same time), Janse van Rensburg fifth and Barton seventh! Kalaba took the GC lead by bonus seconds and a fifth place on stage two, and kept his jersey after stage three. Stage four is the cobble stage and thus everyone tumbled down, Martinez took a ninth on stage five, while stage six was breakaway territory. In the end, nineteenth is not that bad for Kalaba.
Rating:
Stage one is the greatest thing that has happened ever.
Macskako Kerekparverseny
The cobblers were in a race named by a cat walking over a keyboard. As it contained some hills, there were no expectations for Zepuntke to score very high, but eighth is alright I guess. Albert twenty-second for some minor points.
Rating:
A banana if you pronounce it correctly.
Clasica San Sebastian
Hills, which is where we are reminded Claeys is past his prime. He finished 79th, not taking any effort to stay with the pack. Martinez at least made an attempt to get in the breakaway, but he did not succeed in reaching it.
Rating:
Someone at least tried.
Tour d'Andorra
Andorra means climbing, so time to get Uran off the beach and into the saddle. After stage one he could have better returned to the beach, as eighteenth and losing two minutes is not why he is here. Time for Martinez to step up, taking a fourth place on stage two after a long breakaway! Uran then did more of what we saw in stage one by finishing twentieth, fourteenth and twentieth again, even beating by Haga (fourteenth) on the last stage. He finished fifteenth in the GC.
Rating:
If even Uran gives up, all hope is lost.
SAA Tour d'Afrique
Four sprints for Vesely, but the competition in PTHC is fierce. He opened with a seventeenth place, and then improved to twentieth. No wait, that's not improving. On stage three he finally found the right wheel and took a podium place. He ended the final stage in eleventh which, adding all F1-style bonus seconds, resulted in tenth place in the GC.
Rating:
The race doesn't start after the third stage.
Arab Tour
We are not fond of the United Arab Emirates but sometimes you are forced to go places. Rekita was our highest finisher in the prologue with a sixteenth place. As this race clashed with Africa, Kalaba had to assume sprint leadership and got to a good ninth place and a bad thirty-second and fourty-fourth. Stage four was the main event, the longer time trial in which Janse van Rensburg and Rekita finished eleventh and twelfth respectively, with their final GC position being eighteenth and sixteenth respectively.
Rating:
Nothing spectacular but at least not a total failure.
Ronde van het IJsselmeer
After Africa, Vesely took a lap around the IJsselmeer, a race in which Drapac finished second last year. As we consider the Czech a better sprinter, he should win, but our train misfired and as such he could only finish tenth, but Hodeg finished right behind him in eleventh.
The season is almost over, September is the second-last month in which we race. Obviously everyone knows how the season ends but lets pretend we don't for a second.
Balkans International
Apparently we were in this race, but we might as well stayed home. Claeys won the battle to drop first, while the rest of the team, other than Ivanov attempting the break twice to no avail. The best way we can sum up this race is Kalaba winning the stage seven bunch sprint, except a breakaway of six crossed the line before.
Rating: - Kalaba and Ivanov get a pass, for the others we demand bananas back.
Lillestrom GP
A trip to C2, which means we cannot take our strongest squad, but we have four cobblers ready to dominate the field. While that didn't happen, Albert shows his experiece by finishing sixth, while Lindeman finished just behind in twelfth.
Rating:
Damn those restrictions.
Rheden GP
Zepuntke is allowed to race here, but with the race ending in a big sprint, fourteenth is all he could master. Lindeman capped off a breakaway appearace with twenty-first position.
Rating:
PTHC is a step too high.
Tour of Lithuania
Hills, which means Claeys disappoints us. Ivanov never lets us down though, somehow transforming into a sprinter and finishing third on the opening stage. He then became our highest GC-finisher in twenty-first. I stopped scrolling down at 75 to see where Claeys finished.
For everyone else, the season ended weeks ago. But because we are slow, our season only ends today, with a review of the final four races.
GP Kigali
A last trip down to C2 for our cobbles team to kick ass. And kick ass we did. Marcos eighth, Lindeman ninth, Albert twelfth! Flaksis as fourth member of the squad showed his worth by attacking and forcing the other teams to make a move.
Rating:
Free points to pick up from C2.
Japan Cup
It's PTHC, it's a hilly classic, place your bets where Claeys finished. That's right, sixty-sixth, behind Selander, behind Ivanov, behind Martinez.
Rating:
This race deserves to be erased from our memories.
Bayern Rundfahrt
Two time trials and a mountain stage, perfect for Uran. He opened with a fourteenth place on stage one, with Janse van Rensburg in ninth. Kalaba disappointed on stage two with a seventeenth place. Uran was very alert and finished sixth on the mountain stage but Ivanov did even better by finishing third from the breakaway! An eleventh place on the closing time trial meant the Colombian took fifth in the GC, with the Bulgarian third in the mountains classification and fifth in the points classification, with the team convincingly taking the teams classification!
Rating:
Simply lovely.
Giro dell'Emelia
Ending the season on a high? With a hilly race and Claeys to ruin the mood, no chance. But somehow the Belgian found himself in the mix for the win in the final kilometer, until he decided to slow down like it is the final kilometer of a training ride. He finished fifteenth which, given his season, is not actually that bad.
Position fourteen, the exact same result as previous season. We were never in relegation danger but we also ever got in reach of the promotion spots. Not very exciting, but at least its better than relegation which would really set us back. For next season, the bare minimum is to improve on our historic best result of thirteenth to avoid being labeled "Mid-table Minions" forever. In the end though, the ultimate goal will be, is and has always been, dominating the world of cycling.
Pos
Rider
Nat
Team
Total
35
Rigoberto Uran
COL
Minions
583
36
Daniel Vesely
CZE
Minions
576
68
Chad Haga
USA
Minions
342
95
Ruben Zepuntke
GER
Minions
229
104
Reinhardt Janse van Rensburg
RSA
Minions
210
109
Borislav Ivanov
BUL
Minions
195
160
Dimitri Claeys
BEL
Minions
114
163
Bert-Jan Lindeman
NED
Minions
112
181
Dusan Kalaba
SER
Minions
87
212
Alvaro Hodeg
COL
Minions
63
219
Szymon Rekita
POL
Minions
59
237
Laureano Rosas
ARG
Minions
53
273
Bjorn Selander
USA
Minions
41
313
Leandro Marcos
CUB
Minions
32
320
Niels Albert
BEL
Minions
30
353
Yasmani Martinez
CUB
Minions
22
360
Chris Barton
USA
Minions
21
411
Vojtech Hacecky
CZE
Minions
13
443
Andzs Flaksis
LAT
Minions
8
454
Clement Champoussin
FRA
Minions
7
Mikkel Bjerg
DEN
Minions
0
Tareq Esmaeli
QAT
Minions
0
Once again, Uran is our most successful rider of the season, though not to the levels of previous seasons. While he got to tenth individiual last season, he only got to thirty-fifth, owing to his decline. Only one place and seven points behind him is Vesely, our best new rider of the season. With the Colombian even further declining, the Czech might see himself becoming the most important rider of the team. Perhaps the surprise of the season is Haga in third, owing to some clever planning for hill/TT races. Zepuntke and Janse van Rensburg complete the top five as leaders for their respective terrains. Ivanov deserves an applause for his breakaway appearances, scoring enough for sixth place. Claeys only scoring 114 points surely is the big disappointment of the season, only two points more than cobblestone lieutenant Lindeman. Kalaba and Hodeg were left in the shadow of Vesely but got some points on the board. Rekita's big paycheck did not convert into big points, similar to Rosas picking up minor points in time trial races. Selander had to work for a useless leader so did not get much for himself, while Marcos and Albert provided support to the cobblestone squad. Martinez was our main pointscorer in PCT but is now reduced to bottle carrier, Barton and Hacecky were added elements for TTTs, Flaksis becomes the least-scoring cobblestone specialist and finally loanee Champoussin took some points from young rider classifications. Bjerg and Esmaeli ended pointless in terms of rankings, but not in terms of contribution as the former is definitely talented and the latter is a legend.
The season traditionally ends with the National and World Championships, with many of our riders taking part and hoping to wear a special jersey for the upcoming season.
National Championships
We enjoyed some success in the national champions, with six riders winning seven titles between them.
Nation
Rider
RR
TT
Argentina
Laureano Rosas
2
2
Belgium
Niels Albert
36
48
Dimitri Claeys
32
28
Bulgaria
Borislav Ivanov
1
5
Colombia
Alvaro Hodeg
27
13
Rigoberto Uran
5
1
Cuba
Leandro Marcos
4
2
Yasmani Martinez
3
1
Czech Republic
Vojtech Hacecky
20
4
Daniel Vesely
17
19
Denmark
Mikkel Bjerg
21
20
France
Clement Champoussin
58
51
Germany
Ruben Zepuntke
12
30
Latvia
Andzs Flaksis
6
7
Netherlands
Bert-Jan Lindeman
4
47
Poland
Szymon Rekita
8
1
Qatar
Tareq Esmaeli
1
1
Serbia
Dusan Kalaba
3
2
South Africa
Reinhardt Janse van Rensburg
10
1
United States
Chris Barton
18
6
Chad Haga
7
13
Bjorn Selander
11
27
Borislav Ivanov, Bulgarian Road Race Champion
Rigoberto Uran, Colombian Time Trial Champion
Yasmani Martinez, Cuban Time Trial Champion
Szymon Rekita, Polish Time Trial Champion
No image available, definitely not rigged Tareq Esmaeli, Qatari Road Race and Time Trial Champion
Reinhardt Janse van Rensburg, South African Time Trial Champion
World Championships
No rider went home with a rainbow jersey. We had a lot of participation in the team time trial event, with the American team finishing fourth with a quarter of the team being Minion. Champoussin achieved the best individual result with a thirteenth place in the U23 Road Race.
Event
Rider
Result
B Road Race
Dusan Kalaba
85
Reinhardt Janse van Rensburg
95
Laureano Rosas
114
Team Time Trial
Chris Barton
4
Chad Haga
4
Szymon Rekita
12
Vojtech Hacecky
15
Reinhardt Janse van Rensburg
16
Alvaro Hodeg
24
Rigoberto Uran
24
U23 Time Trial
Mikkel Bjerg
24
Time Trial
Reinhardt Janse van Rensburg
42
U23 Road Race
Clement Champoussin
13
Mikkel Bjerg
146
Road Race
Chad Haga
76
Rigoberto Uran
101
Bjorn Selander
161
Dimitri Claeys
165
Chris Barton and Chad Haga, fourth place in the Team Time Trial for United States
I do still feel sorry about ordering you that Balsam Pomorski though, I had no clue you were going to take a dump on the finish line with most of the riders still coming in 
Argentina
Belgium
Bulgaria
Colombia
Cuba
Czech Republic
Denmark
France
Germany
Latvia
Netherlands
Poland
Qatar
Serbia
South Africa
United States
