Our season has been successful, but another important metric is how many goals we achieved, which has a huge influence on our budget for next season and our ability to create the best squad ever. Last year we had zero out of five and became the laughing stock of the peloton, but look where we are now!
Veenendaal - Veenendaal - Win
One day we will achieve a home win. One day. Not this season though, as the race has already taken place and Vesely finished twenty-second.
Tour of the Battenkill - Top 10
What were we thinking? De Witte finished forty-ninth, which is thirty-nine places below the goal.
Circulo de Juarez - Top 10
Vesely got off to a mediocre start, finishing twelfth, twelfth and tenth in the first three stages. After a huge failure on stage four he was twenty-eighth in the GC, but a second place on the final stage gave him the needed bonus seconds to just put him in the top ten in ninth and achieve our goal!
Stage Wins in a Season - 8
#
Rider
Race
Stage
1
Daniel Vesely
Tour de Guadeloupe
Stage 2
2
Dusan Kalaba
Vuelta al Pais Vasco
Stage 3
3
Dusan Kalaba
Baltic Chain Tour
Stage 5
4
Alvaro Hodeg
Int. Osterreich Rundfahrt
Stage 3
5
Dusan Kalaba
Tour of Norway
Stage 2
6
Mattia Cattaneo
Criterium du Dauphine Libere
Stage 4
7
Dusan Kalaba
Tour de Vineyards
Stage 1
8
Mattia Cattaneo
Tour de Vineyards
Stage 3
9
Daniel Vesely
Deutschland Tour
Stage 1
10
Dusan Kalaba
Benelux Challenge
Stage 6
11
Alvaro Hodeg
Tour of Britain
Stage 1
A total of eleven stage wins this season, nine of which came from the sprinters with the most from Kalaba at five, Hodeg and Vesely both with two. Cattaneo won a time trial and a mountain stage.
Team Standings - Top 10
Month
Pos
Team
Total
RD
PpRD
Proj
Jan
13
Minions - Subwoolfer
173
11
15,73
2753
Mar
16
Minions - Subwoolfer
584
44
13.27
2163
Apr
16
Minions - Subwoolfer
772
59
13.08
2132
Jun
9
Minions - Subwoolfer
1672
97
17.24
2810
Jul
3
Minions - Subwoolfer
2448
122
20.07
3271
Aug
3
Minions - Subwoolfer
2961
145
20.42
3299
Sep
3
Minions - Subwoolfer
3257
151
21.57
3516
Oct
3
Minions - Subwoolfer
3278
163
20.11
3278
In case you've been living under a rock, we finished third. We still can't believe we achieved our goal, which was even quite conservative in hindsight. At the start of the season it didn't look like we would come close to achieving the goal, but June and July saw big jumps which landed us where we are now, the final spot on the podium.
Three out of five. That's not bad. Since the financial consequences of achieving zero out of five did not push us down one bit this season, this should be the stepping stone to the 2023 ProTour title!
Very solid effort with goals going into the PT transfers 11 stage wins in a season is great stuff!
24/02/21 - kandesbunzler said “I don't drink famous people."
15/08/22 - SotD said "Your [jandal's] humour is overrated"
11/06/24 - knockout said "Winning is fine I guess. Truth be told this felt completely unimportant." [ICL] Santos-Euskadi | [PT] Xero Racing
@jandal7 - Eleven is more than I expected, but having a sprinter everywhere you'll perhaps be likely to win something
IS THE LIFE OF A HERO
Ninety-six riders have had the honor of belonging to the best cycling team in history. To honor them, we'll be going through the archives to discuss them all. At the end of each month, a group of riders is selected with something in common. Where were they before they became addicted to bananas? How did they do on the road? Where are they now? This adventure culminates in the introduction of the Minions Hall of Fame, where we honor our legends.
This month's group: the Minions Hall of Fame. We've saved the best for last, these riders are amongst the biggest legends to us. However, to be included in the Hall of Fame, a rider had to comply to the following three criteria:
- Have raced for the team for at least three years
- Not be a current part of the team
- Have retired, have no contract over the age of 33 or be over 35
Bjorn Selander
Bjorn Selander joined our team in the first season and was one of the driving forces behind not finishing last, scoring more than anyone bar his best mate Chad Haga. Early in the season he finished fifth overall in the Benelux Challenge, and fifth in the Seskin Challenge, a rare display of someone being good that year. It did not end there, as he finished third twice in Rutas America del Sur, taking seventh in the GC. A crash in Tour de Bretagne ruined a good GC but he made it up by finishing P3 from the breakaway on the final stage. The end of the year was also very good with a fourth place in Grand Prix de Montreal, and the runner-up position in the stage four in Tour of Utah. It would be the best season in his career by quite some margin. The signing of Duggan and Kinney for the next season reduced his chances. A breakaway P3 in the Tour del Tachira was the highlight of 2015, whereas nineteenth in the Clasico San Cristobal was unfortunately the highest classic result. For 2016 he was loaned out to Movistar, where he could be proud of a twenty-sixth place in the Amstel Gold Race, and third place on the final stage of La Vuelta. For the next five years, where puncheur leaders would come and fail on the first sight of an incline, Bjorn was their most trusted lieutenant. His collection of polka dots includes many, but in the 2017 Tour of Norway he won the classification at the end of the race. In 2018 he finished in thirteenth in the C2 Clasico San Cristobal in a nice throwback to the Continental days. There were races where he finished around twenty-fifth place if the leader did well, but when the leader did not do well Bjorn was also down the order. When we decided to stop focusing on the hills this year, it was also the end for Selander in the team. He will not be forgotten as we induct him into the Hall of Fame for:
- Being a Minion from the get-go
- His glimpses of hope in the first season
- Prolific KoM-hunter
Year
Team
Div
#
2011
Quiksilver-Kraft
CT
392
2012
Hollister Pro Cycling
CT
263
2013
Hollister Pro Cycling
PCT
220
2014
Team Chiquita-Universal
CT
37
2015
Chiquita - Universal p/b Minions
CT
193
2016
Movistar - US Postal (on loan from Chiquita - Universal)
PT
173
2017
Minions
PCT
206
2018
Minions
PCT
248
2019
Minions
PCT
408
2020
Minions
PCT
273
2021
Minions
PCT
348
2022
Free Agent
Tareq Esmaeli
Tareq Esmaeli didn't score many points for us, only twenty-five over seven years including two years with nil points. However, his place in the Hall of Fame was never in doubt. Qatar's best ever rider basically begged his then-manager Avin Wargunnson to transfer to us as he loved bananas so much, and there was finally a team which paid its riders in bananas instead of stupid dollars. As such, Tareq "the Banana lover" Esmaeli became our first non-American rider. Obviously he had no leadership role other than being our third-best cobblestone specialist by virtue of being less worse than the others. He appeared in a few breakaways, scoring four points. and was renewed for a second season where he did not manage to score anything, putting his future with the team in jeopardy. He beat Sebastian Salas in a banana-eating contest to earn the final spot on the 2016 roster, but was only selected to ride in two races. In the Tour of the Middle East he finished fifth on the second stage, but by then the damage was already done and the Qatari left mid-season. When the team got into big turmoil and had to flee Guatemala despite promotion, we realized which friends were real and despite his unfair treatment, Esmaeli was there for us, rescuing the team with the help of his father, whom we did not know was a wealthy Sheikh. The team moved to Qatar and the future was secured, and we even got his best mate Albourdainy in the team, even though he got fired when he beat the Sheikh's son in the Qatari NC. It would be the only time he lost in either the road race or the time trial during his tenure, which was definitely not rigged. In 2017 he scored one point for the team, but in 2018 he scored an amazing douze points thanks to a KoM hunt in the Tour of the Middle East. 2019 saw him score six points, but in 2020 he scored nothing. One Minion wanted to have a discussion regarding his future, which the Sheikh completely misrepresented as us wanting to fire his son. This resulted in the team being forces to fleei Qatar out of fear for repercussions, and sadly the end of Tareq Esmaeli as a professional cyclist. Despite all the hiccups, we want to honor him in the Hall of Fame for:
- Saving the team,
- Loving bananas
- Being an allround great guy.
Year
Team
Div
#
2009
Slipstream B (stagiare)
CT
128
2010
Team Olympus AirAsia
CT
332
2011
Petronas - Olympus
CT
369
2012
American Express
CT
460
2013
Metinvest-Emirates
PCT
517
2014
Team Chiquita-Universal
CT
351
2015
Chiquita - Universal p/b Minions
CT
378
2016
Chiquita - Universal
CT
331
2017
Minions
PCT
526
2018
Minions
PCT
404
2019
Minions
PCT
465
2020
Minions
PCT
538
2021
Free Agent
2022-
Retired
Chad Haga
Chad Haga only rode for one other team in his career, and even then it was on loan from us. The fact that his professional career spanned eight years, and has only been released last year, shows how much we appreciated him. His legendary status was sealed pretty quickly in the first season, with the American becoming our first ever rider on the podium by winning the time trial stage in Volta ao Algarve, and finishing fifth in the Tour of America. In his second season he finished second overall in Tour de Slovenie, our highest GC position up to that point, and won the time trial in the USA Pro Cycling Challenge to become our highest scoring rider for the second year straight. By now he needed a loan move to PT to complete his development, making his GT debut in the Giro. Back at us a year later and now in the PCT, he was no longer in a leadership position but as free element still got some good results over the year, taking seventeenth in the Tour de Romandie, fifteenth in the Tour de Slovenie, a second place on the PTHC Volta a Portugal's time trial and a silver medal in the USA TT Championships and silver representing the USA in the World TTT Championships. In 2018 he finished eighth in the Hong Kong Challenge and fifteenth in the Tour of Ukraine, and a year later he would finish a position higher in the latter, and took another silver TTT medal. 2020 can be considered his breakout season though, excelling in the mixed hilly-time trial races of which there were plenty back then. An eleventh place in Vuelta al Pais Vasco, fifth in his loved Tour of Ukraine, sixth in Olympia's Tour, seventh in Tour of Slovenie puts him behind Uran and Vesely as third-best scorer of the season. Decline kicked in at the start of 2021, despite a fifth in Jelajah SKL, and he decided to part ways together with best mate Bjorn Selander and enjoy other things in life. His goodbye gift was another medal in the World TTT Championships, this time adding a bronze to two silvers. He deserves his place in the Hall of Fame for being:
- Our first ever stage winner
- A top five finish in the Tour of America
- Being a one-team cyclist
Year
Team
Div
#
2014
Team Chiquita-Universal
CT
29
2015
Chiquita - Universal p/b Minions
CT
34
2016
Movistar - US Postal (on loan from Chiquita - Universal)
PT
310
2017
Minions
PCT
205
2018
Minions
PCT
161
2019
Minions
PCT
176
2020
Minions
PCT
68
2021
Minions
PCT
162
2022
Free Agent
Carlos Alexandre Manarelli
Carlos Alexandre Manarelli was our first real sprinter signing. We had guys pretending to do them in our first two years, but never got close to finishing first and most did not even participate in a sprint at all. The Brazilian had a lot of experience, and had a great run in CT for locals Bonsucro in the same year as our debut. As he got little opportunities in the PCT, we negotiated with his manager for a return to the lower division. We bought him for 300,000 in bananas, or the equivalent currency in Brazil, and he received a modest wage of 50,000. We later brought in Damion Drapac as well, but and we could mostly split the races between. Unfortunately there was some drama i the races they did ride together, but lessons-learned for the next seasons. In his first proper sprint he already finished fourth, and with a second place in the final Benelux Challenge stage he was already statistically our best sprinter ever. Drapac would outscore him over the year by a mere two points, but the Brazilian won more stages: four to two. He got on the top step of the podium in Tour de Pologne, Herald Sun Tour and twice in the Ruta America del Sur, as well as a close second in the Barbuda Birdmen Classic. The Brazilian also had the lowest wage per point ratio, which like golf is good. The arrangement continued into the next season but he fell to the same troubles as his final year at Bonsucro, PCT is a level too high for him. While Drapac managed to win a race, Manarelli rarely finished inside the top ten, only a second place on the opening stage of Deutschland Tour deserves a mention. The Australian outscored him four to one in points that year, so the Brazilian's days of leadership were over. We renewed him with the intention to sell, but a lack of interest saw him stay another year. His morale was broken and scored only three points thanks to a fifth place in Corsica International. We replaced him with Vantomme for the next season, which didn't go well for us, and the Brazilian managed to get a contract from Equinor back in the Continental Tour. There he found some joy back, and joined Los Pollos Hermanos the year after where he helped them to achieve promotion in their debut year. They also made the "mistake" of keeping around for the PCT where he didn't manage to get a result in, and was not taken to the ProTour with them. Even though we only had one good year, we nominate him for the Hall of Fame for:
- Being our first sprinter
- Winning four stages
- His contributions in the promotion squad
Year
Team
Div
#
2008
Wiesenhof Felt
CT
266
2009
Free Agent
2010
Virgin Media - Caisse d'Epargne
PT
276
2011
Red Bull
CT
417
2012
Jayco - Red Bull
CT
348
2013
Evian-MIAT
PCT
170
2014
Bonsucro
CT
24
2015
Bonsucro
PCT
284
2016
Chiquita - Universal
CT
38
2017
Minions
PCT
260
2018
Minions
PCT
477
2019
Equinor Pro Cycling
CT
73
2020
Los Pollos Hermanos
CT
72
2021
Los Pollos Hermanos
PCT
309
2022
Free Agent
Kenny De Haes
Kenny De Haes had a long career spanning multiple divisions before he joined us in 2016. The Belgian had made a name for himself in the cobblestone races, a discipline we notable ignored the years prior, winning the 2014 Cigar City Brewing Twilight GP. The Belgian changed our perspective on the terrain as in the very first classic of the season (Geraardsbergen - Bosberg) he immediately managed to take a victory. It would be his only win of the season, but a second place in the Cigar Copy Paste GP is also nice, especially after crashing earlier in the race. His contribution of 144 points helped us gain promotion that year, and with his experience we kept him on board as second-in-command to new leader Albert. While that combination did not yield massive results, De Haes managed to develop another skill: getting in the right breakaway. He won from the breakaway on stage three of KBC De Panne Tour. He almost did the same in day four of 5 Jours de Dunkerque and stage one of Olympia's Tour, but was caught in the final kilometer on both occasions. On the final stage in the Netherlands he was in a similar situation as the first stage, but this time had a bigger lead over the peloton and just emerged victorious. He even added a third stage win in the third stage of Baltic Chain Tour, which helped him to sixth in the GC. At the end of the year he was our fourth-best scoring rider, way ahead of Albert, and the 131 points were a great help in survival. In 2018, thirty-four years old, he became the road captain of the cobblestone team and being an experienced assistant to Zepuntke. As such breakaway opportunities were scarce and nine points is not quite the contribution of the previous seasons. Cobblestones are demanding and at his age continuing at this level wasn't an option, so he decided to retire. Now, we elevate him to the Hall of Fame as:
- The pioneer of the cobblestone squad
- The lord of the breakaways
- The experience in good times (2016) and bad times (2017)
Year
Team
Div
#
2008
Virgin Media
PT
209
2009
Virgin Media Pro Cycling Team
PT
200
2010
Virgin Media - Caisse d'Epargne
PT
173
2011
Pearl Adidas
PT
318
2012
Pearl Adidas
PT
401
2013
HTC Nieuwsblad
PCT
221
2014
Risa - Ergon
CT
55
2015
AMEX-Navigon
PCT
217
2016
Chiquita - Universal
CT
50
2017
Minions
PCT
113
2018
Minions
PCT
426
2019
Free Agent
2020-
Retired
Damion Drapac
Damion Drapac is an Australian sprinter who has some haters, because it is believed he cannot handle speedbumps. While he's obviously not strong uphill, we find this characterization a bit disingenuous. In 2014 he rode against us for Bank of Ireland, winning the Barcelona Classic, but did not get a foot in the PCT when the team promoted. As such he was sold back to the CT and we were willing to match the price tag of half a million, our transfer record at the time. In the pre-season he was invited to ride in the local Bay Cycling Classics for his father's cycling team, and won the first stage in the general classification. This great performance did not yield any results at the start of the actual season, he had to wait until June for his first countable win, which was stage four of the Circulo de Juarez, where he also finished second overall. A few days later he won the opening stage of the Post Danmark Rundt and held yellow until the next stage. At the end of the season he was our third-highest scorer, valuable to our promotion, and we gave him the confidence to continue leading the sprint department for the 2017 PCT season. Unlike 2015 he did not drown completely, finishing in the top ten in stages on a fair few occasions. The Nakhon Ratchasima Trophy was an outlier though, as he crossed the line first in a huge upset victory! A sixth place in Veenendaal - Veenendaal (annoyingly called Dutch Food Valley Classic at the time) is our best result ever in the most important race ever. A 100th position in the rankings is testament to a great season despite the odds. He continued strongly into 2018, finishing in the top five a few times in the early parts of the season, but the highlight came towards the end. Damion won the final stage of the Baltic Chain Tour, and thanks to favorable bonus seconds finished third overall! This time he finished just outside the top 100, but the haters are definitely shut down now. 2019 had him finishing third on the opening stage of the Tour of East Java and second in the Ronde van het IJsselmeer, but alas no victory. By now the sprinters field was getting too strong and the Australian too old, but still found a new team after being released. He promptly won the final stage of Tour de Romandie for Adastra, with the commentator hiding his tears. Right now he is at Eddie Stobart, where everything is perfect for riders ending their careers. It looked like retirement had finally come this year but a last minute sponsor injection saw the team and the Australian return. No matter how far behind he finishes, the Australian is in our Hall of Fame for:
- Being our first proper sprinter
- The upset wins
- The faces on the haters when he did well
Spoiler
IN MEMORIAM DAMION DRAPAC
November 29, 1988 - April 25, 2019
Year
Team
Div
#
2010
Nokia-Nike
CT
541
2011
Free Agent
2012
Festina - Conec (on loan from Oz Cycling Project)
PT
289
2013
Oz Cycling Project
PCT
147
2014
Bank of Ireland - Irish Cycling
CT
35
2015
Bank of Ireland
PCT
201
2016
Chiquita - Universal
CT
37
2017
Minions
PCT
100
2018
Minions
PCT
104
2019
Minions
PCT
250
2020
Adastra N Hell Energy Cycling
PCT
280
2021
Eddie Stobart
CT
246
2022
Eddie Stobart
CT
318
Nick Kinney
Nick Kinney was a Wikipedia editor for five years besides cycling, but in three of those years he was writing on Continental teams. In his last season before the team went back to focusing on encyclopedic content, he had scored very well and as such became a wanted free agent target. We engaged in a bidding war with Gatorade but managed to sign the American puncheur for the 2015 season in a deal involving 120,000 bananas. He did show himself worthy of such a reward by winning stage six in the Tour of Pologne, finishing third in the GC in the process. Other top tens include a seventh place in Benelux Challenge and tenth in GP Sallanches, as well as second place in the coveted American Championships. In 2016 he scored even more important results: a stage win in Post Danmark Rundt, sixth overall in that race, Acropolis Cup and Ruta America del Sur, and ninth in Benelux Challenge, Tour de Pologne and GP Yekaterinburg. Twenty-second in the individual rankings is testament to his huge season that helped us to promotion. However, like many of the leaders of the promotion squad, he would be reduced to a helper role in 2017, and helping Betancourt wasn't exactly a piece of cake, though many cakes were eaten. Highs were a nineteenth in the Tour de Slovenie and twenty-second places in Nelspruit Classic and his beloved Tour of Pologne. Lows include the many times he had to drop back to attempt and bring the fat Colombian back to the peloton, but the latter wouldn't listen most of the times. This was against the fighting spirit of the American, and the two never spoke to each other again. We obviously sided with Nick in this situation, but he decided to leave the team and find a new challenge. No team was willing to hire a thirty-three year old who had just been part of the most dysfunctional hills squad imaginable, so he retired. Despite the unhappy ending, we add him to the Hall of Fame for:
- Two stage wins
- Many other points contributions which would lead to our promotion
- Not killing Betancourt
Year
Team
Div
#
2010
Ernst and Young / Apple Computer and NBC News (on loan from Wikipedia)
CT
511
2011
Pirelli - Internazionale (on loan from Wikipedia)
CT
457
2012
Pirelli - Alfa Romeo (on loan from Wikipedia)
CT
195
2013
Wikipedia
PT
163
2014
Wikipedia
PT
136
2015
Chiquita - Universal p/b Minions
CT
52
2016
Chiquita - Universal
CT
22
2017
Minions
PCT
297
2018-2019
Free Agent
2020-
Retired
Yasmani Martinez
Yasmani Martinez had made a name for being a very competent CT leader. Other than his debut for Wikipedia he had raced in this division all his career, and had finished in the individual top twenty in 2013 and 2014, winning the tour de Slovenie in the latter. After our horrid first season we went all-in for a good leader, that leader being Martinez, and he earned a record 120,000 bananas as wage. In his stage race debut he finished sixth in the C1 Vuelta al Tachira, and racked up multiple GC top fives but unfortunately no wins. We did not have to wait long for a first win in 2016, as he won the fifth stage and the GC in the Tour of Southland. Later in the year he would win the time trial in the USA Pro Cycling Challenge on his way to fourth and achieving a sponsor goal. He made it back in the individual top twenty as our highest-scoring rider, and rider of the year in our promotion season. For the next four years until his retirement he would become Uran's super domestique. We would have allowed him to return to lead in the CT if a team ever asked us, but the Cuban felt at ease here and had no problems helping out a big superstar. He would get a few decent results, such as fifteenth and sixteenth in the Tour of Vancouver in 2017 and 2018, sixteenth in the Kenya Mountain Classic 2018 and fifteenth in the Clasique Pico Basile 2019, all in support of Uran. His only trip to the podium would be to collect the polka dot jersey in the Scandinavian Open Road Race. On the home front he would be more successful, winning a Cuban Road Race Championship in 2019 and winning the Time Trial six year straight between 2015 and 2020, solidifying his status as a legend of Cuban cycling. He's not only a member of the Cuban Hall of Fame, but also in ours thanks to:
- Being our first rider to win a stage race
- His valuable contribution to promotion
- Smooth support
Year
Team
Div
#
2009
Wikipedia
PT
261
2010
Team NOS (on loan from Wikipedia)
CT
107
2011
Quiksilver-Kraft
CT
87
2012
Hollister Pro Cycling
CT
148
2013
Kenya Airways - Barclays
CT
14
2014
Team Nordeus
CT
17
2015
Chiquita - Universal p/b Minions
CT
37
2016
Chiquita - Universal
CT
18
2017
Minions
PCT
194
2018
Minions
PCT
124
2019
Minions
PCT
196
2020
Minions
PCT
353
2021-
Free Agent
Rigoberto Uran
Rigoberto Uran, last but definitely not least, in fact he would probably be a good shout for our greatest ever. First the history before becoming a Minion: 2010 and 2016 Volta a Catalunya winner, fifth place in the Tour de France and Vuelta a Espana, stage wins in both, ProTour individual top ten in 2010 and 2011, and to this day the holder of the record for biggest transfer fee, Becherovka receiving an astonishing 3.5 million dollars from Bacardi in 2014. We did not have to dig that deep, because Rigoberto was a free agent after the 2016 season when his Coldeportes team disbanded. We were willing to offer him the highest wage of all interested bidders, 600,000 bananas, and he became our leader for our first Pro Continental season. His debut in the Tour of Eritrea was a disappointment, finishing thirteenth, but all subsequent results were good, finishing in GC top fives on most occasions. In August we were in relegation danger, but Uran bailed us out with a sensational win in the Deutschland Tour. In 2018 the start was again rough with a sixteenth in Apex Mountain Classic, but bounced back with a podium in the Tour of the Middle East. It turned into some great consistency with a podium in Colombia, a podium and stage win in Vancouver, a podium in Corsica, and a podium and stage win in Austria. All these podium places except Int. Osterreich Rundfahrt were thirds, in that race he was only defeated by Pluchkin. In our first and so far only Grand Tour (wildcard) appearance, he finished a meaningless seventh. 2019 continued the pattern of a false start, fourteenth in East Java, but recovering quickly with a third in Clasique Pico Basile and Tour of the Middle East. After coming close many times, he finally won the Corsica International for a second time after 2016, and finished runner-up in both the Tour d'Andorra (with a stage win and two days in yellow) and the Int. Osterreich Rundfahrt. He also took a win in a tough Colombian Championship, both in elevation and competition. In 2020 his start was absolutely dreadful, only 38th in Tour of East Java, but did not recover that well. His only podium, the lowest step, came in Tour of the Middle East, and held yellow for a day on his way to fourth in the Tour of California, but otherwise finished mostly in the lower top ten or even outside on very bad days. Not getting any younger and at with his wage slashed in half, we needed a different approach in 2021, making use of his time trial ability and avoiding big mountain races. Hong Kong Challenge was a big miss, but the Tour of Ukraine was better with tenth. His beloved Int. Osterreicht Rundfahrt saw him finish fifth overall, but in all other races he drowned massively as he wasn't accustomed to the smaller hills. A ninth place in the closer Bayern Rundfahrt looked decent on paper but he was in third place overall heading into the final time trial. For the first time ever he was not our highest scorer, losing out to Boasson Hagen and Vesely, and lost the Colombian Time Trial Championship for the first time after four consecutive wins. We could not bear watching him decline like this, and we did not want to see him start to carry bottles for new leaders, so released him from his contract. Tinkoff - La Datcha gave him a contract to use his experience, and supported Sivakov to a fifth place in the Tour, but most lovingly was gifted the yellow jersey after the team won the team time trial. What a way to honor a legend of not only our team but of cycling in general. We add him to our Hall of Fame for his:
- Countless podiums
- Winning Deutschland Tour to keep us in the PCT
- Becoming synonymous with the team for many years
Love it, love it, love it! Wish I hadn't seen this right before going to bed but will come back and read them all tomorrow for sure, absolutely love this kind of team history post and great to see those familiar names being honoured from the stars to the fan favourites like Haga and Selander who next to Uran are some of the first names I'd associate with the team.
24/02/21 - kandesbunzler said “I don't drink famous people."
15/08/22 - SotD said "Your [jandal's] humour is overrated"
11/06/24 - knockout said "Winning is fine I guess. Truth be told this felt completely unimportant." [ICL] Santos-Euskadi | [PT] Xero Racing
@jandal7 - It's a big write-up but I'm proud of what all these riders have achieved. The series in general was great fun to write, and a nice way to refresh myself and everyone with results from the past.
OH, I COME FROM A NATION
At the end of the season, riders from each country battle it out for the right to wear a jersey with the country's flag. It does not bring any ranking points or money, just pure nationalism. We have riders from seventeen different countries all over the globe, so a lot to report about.
Argentina
Rosas rode the Argentinian races together with riders from Brazil, Bolivia, Cyprus and Turkey. In a mountainous road race he finished towards the bottom, but his focus is in the time trial. He was beaten by Christodoulos, but he is a Cypriot, and with Sepulveda half a minute slower he secured the Argentinian Time Trial Championship!
Laureano Rosas
RR
5th
+ 3'35
TT
1st
1h04'44
Australia
The focus for Dennis is on the time trial, with a tenth place in the road race merely a warm-up. Starting the time trial as a secondary favorite, he had to beat the time set by outsider Wohler. He was down on the checkpoint and also at the finish line, losing out by sixteen seconds. However, major favorites Durbridge and Howson also failed to beat the surprise package, which resulted in a second place for Dennis.
Rohan Dennis
RR
10th
+ 3'48
TT
2nd
+ 16
Belgium
Belgium has a lot of riders so it was hard to make an impact even with a team of three. Stuyven was the highest finisher in the road race in twentieth, three places ahead of De Witte. Sweeck was the fastest among the three in the time trial, finishing sixteenth
Mathias De Witte
RR
23th
s.t.
TT
49th
+ 8'49
Jasper Stuyven
RR
20th
s.t.
TT
50th
+ 8'59
Laurens Sweeck
RR
33rd
s.t.
TT
16th
+ 3'28
Colombia
A flat course with Merchan and Quintana becoming a lead-out for Hodeg, but Gaviria has four helpers. The fact that the difference was half a bike, in the latter's favor obviously, is a win for us. With Uran gone, the time trial is no longer relevant to us.
Alvaro Hodeg
RR
2nd
s.t.
TT
16th
+ 5'16
Didier Merchan
RR
15th
s.t.
TT
9th
+ 3'29
Dayer Quintana
RR
18th
s.t.
TT
2nd
+ 1'08
Cuba
Marcos' only opponent was Perez from Podium Ambition, just like the year before. The results were also exactly the same, the talented youngster being faster against the clock but the experienced veteran beating him in the road race. Ignore the riders from Barbados, Bermuda, Bulgaria and Slovakia in the picture, they have not formed a new global superpower state, they just shared their national championship.
Leandro Marcos
RR
1st
1h19'08
TT
2nd
+ 7'38
Czech Republic
While the route was flat, cobblestones took Vesely out of contention for the win. We had tried to take them out overnight but the organizers were on to us and replaced them as soon as we had left.
Daniel Vesely
RR
9th
+ 5'49
TT
15th
+ 11'05
Denmark
Bjerg finished sixth in both events. For the road race that is a very good result, as he isn't known to be a sprinter. For the time trial that is a tad disappointing, even though we have to acknowledge Denmark has a lot of amazing time trialists, of which Bjerg will become one in the future.
Mikkel Bjerg
RR
6th
s.t.
TT
6th
+ 1'46
Ethiopia
Hailemichael hates cobbles, but would have finished last on every other terrain as well. The stagiare has a lot to learn still.
Mulu Hailemichael
RR
3rd
+ 52
TT
3rd
+ 6’25
France
The time trial used to be easy pecking for Coppel, but the man is on his last legs. The old dog still has some tricks up his sleeve, taking on the younger generation and finishing a respectable fourth!
Jerome Coppel
RR
39th
+ 35
TT
4th
+ 1'13
Ireland
English rides in the correct championship, don't worry. For someone whose specialty is flat, there were too many sections not flat and he finished ninth. In the time trial he finished a place lower.
Felix English
RR
9th
s.t.
TT
10th
+ 6'19
Italy
Cattaneo had a realistic shot at the double with the road race event taking place on a mountain. Sadly the Italians like climbing and he only finished fifteenth. Perhaps he also saved some energy for the time trial, where he took to the hot seat with a 1h04'35 as penultimate starter. Ganna failed to make that time, and so Cattaneo achieved half of what we had hoped: Italian Time Trial Champion!
Mattia Cattaneo
RR
15th
+ 1'14
TT
1st
1h04'35
Japan
The Japanese Championships were marred by the absence of local team Voyagin, whose riders had missed their train to the race. In a sprint with a small pack Kuboki finished fourth, but in the time trial he was suddenly the top favorite. He lived up to that title by taking a comfortable victory, earning the right to wear a red dot next season.
Kazushige Kuboki
RR
4th
s.t.
TT
1st
1h04'23
Mexico
In a huge upset, classics specialist Ulloa beat Lemus Davila and all other Mexicans in a hillclimb. Check those chickens for performance enhancing substances please. Two third places are not that bad considering the level of cheating we're riding against.
Luis Enrique Lemus Davila
RR
3rd
+ 41
TT
3rd
+ 1'35
Russia
The last pair of races for loanees Novikov and Tikhonin before they return to Tinkoff, who already have a large number of participants in the Russian Championships. They might stand a chance next year against their future teammates, as this season they finished towards the back of the pack.
Savva Novikov
RR
48th
s.t.
TT
29th
+ 7'33
Evgenii Tikhonin
RR
18th
s.t.
TT
22nd
+ 6'18
Serbia
In a mix with other smaller European nations, Kalaba had to battle with Rajovic in a sprint. The latter won, by quite a margin no less, and Kalaba only finished sixth overall, fourth only counting the Serbians. Second in the time trial is better but Borisavljevic ran away with that one.
Dusan Kalaba
RR
4th
s.t.
TT
2nd
+ 1'16
Switzerland
If professional riders were allowed to participate in the neo-pro categories, Stöckli might have stood a chance. Although, the country with many mountains found the worst stretch of road which favored the cobblestone specialists, which our talent has zero talent for.
Jan Stöckli
RR
21st
+ 5'38
TT
30th
+ 7'07
United States
On the mountain, Phinney was shockingly beaten by Van Garderen with Brown only a minor player. Phinney was back on form and demolished everyone in the time trial, as he should, with Brown taking a decent fourth position.
The final races of the season are very important to the riders. The World Championships see the riders battle it out for their countries in pursuit for the rainbow jersey. This year, the event is held in Stange, Norway on a route full of cobblestones. Not our favorite territory so don't expect one of us coming home with the win there, but in the individual and team time trial there are chances for medals
Road Race
There are three road race events: one for the U23s, a B race where the winning nation qualifies for the main event: the Elite Road Race.
Starting with the youngsters, with Merchan, Novikov and Stöckli participating despite their dislike for cobblestones. They finished 112th, 98th and 70th respectively. The Swiss manager thought putting Stöckli in the morning breakaway was a smart move, but he did not survive the first cobblestone sector.
English, Kuboki, Lemus Davila and Rosas had to go through the B race with their respective countries, with Ireland and Japan having contenders in Kuroeda and Potts respectively. The Japanase crossed the line in second place behind Neilands for Latvia, and thus did not advance like all other countries. English was our highest finisher in 43rd, two places ahead of Kuboki. Lemus Davila finished 82nd and Rosas 118th.
This left four riders in the big one: Bjerg, Brown, Dennis and Sweeck. The latter is our best cobbler but only a bottle carrier in the Belgian squad, but contributed to two medals as Stallaert and Theuns took silver and bronze behind Wisniowski. Sweeck finished 54th, Bjerg 115th, Brown 158th and Dennis 188th and last. But hey, at least he finished!
Individual Time Trial
Onto a discipline where we actually have a chance, as the road are smooth on the fifty mostly flat kilometers against the clock. We have no riders in the U23 category but two in the elite event.
Bjerg made his debut among the elites and finished towards the bottom in 39th, but he will be stronger next year. Cattaneo on the other hand was an outsider for the top ten but an early start time saw him caught in a rainstorm, which was not favorable to his time. Twenty-second is somewhat disappointing but you can't control the weather.
Team Time Trial
And now onto our main race of interest, the temporary alliances of riders from the same nation in the team time trial. We have riders in six different teams, so plenty of medal opportunities. Sadly the team time trial does not reward rainbow jerseys.
English being among the eight chosen ones for Ireland should suggest the country doesn't have a lot of options, so the weaker held back the strong and they finished 15th out of 24.
Denmark's chances were hurt by the absence of Würtz, which gave a spot to Bjerg doing all three events. They finished in tenth position.
Legend Coppel won the race once and France is the reigning champion, but despite being top contenders only finished in eighth.
Cattaneo's huge season ends in glory, as team Italy took virtual bronze when they crossed the finish line. The teams behind them did not manage to beat them, so they stayed on the podium!
The Australians were behind the Italians on the checkpoint, but had a better second half and pipped them to the silver medal. Among the riders was our other hero of the season: Dennis.
And as tradition, we have a rider in Team USA. This year the lucky one is Brown, and the team had something to aim for after three podium finishes in the last five years but never the top step. They took the lead at the halfway point and never gave it away to take the win!
So that's three medals for the team, all in the team time trial event. Bronze for Mattia Cattaneo, silver for Rohan Dennis and gold for Nathan Brown!
Some disappointments elsewhere but pretty awesome to have a rider in every position on the TTT podium, special moments for them
24/02/21 - kandesbunzler said “I don't drink famous people."
15/08/22 - SotD said "Your [jandal's] humour is overrated"
11/06/24 - knockout said "Winning is fine I guess. Truth be told this felt completely unimportant." [ICL] Santos-Euskadi | [PT] Xero Racing
@jandal7 - A special moment for the manager as well!
WE ARE THE WINNERS
All racing is done, it's time to look back and honor the riders who have helped us promote to the ProTour. It is time for the award ceremony. Nine different award, named after and presented by our newly inducted Hall of Famers, in a wide variety of fields. Sit back and enjoy the show!
Kenny De Haes Award Cobbler of the year
Spoiler
MATHIAS DE WITTE LEANDRO MARCOS LAURENS SWEECK
Yes, the first award is given to three people, so get the chainsaw out because we have to cut it in three pieces! Seriously, we couldn't decide between Mathias De Witte, Leandro Marcos and Laurens Sweeck (listed alphabetically, no indication of order). All three of them finished within one point of one another, in a year where no rider had explicit leadership. Sure, they didn't score Zepuntke number of points but in C2 races they scored some decent results, and picked up some odd points in HC and PTHC. For an area without focus that's decent enough.
Damion Drapac Award Sprinter of the year
Spoiler
DUSAN KALABA
With five stage wins, Dusan Kalaba earned the most podium kisses this year. As lead tour sprinters he has a few opportunities every race, but perhaps more than his direct rivals as he has demonstrated to survive the hills. Just look at his Pais Vasco win, when every other sprinter had already dropped. The uphill sprint in Norway, not slowing down one bit. But even without speedbumps he could beat everyone, winning in the Baltics, the Vineyards and the Benelux. Honorable mentions to Daniel Vesely and Alvaro Hodeg, who each won two sprints this year.
Tareq Esmaeli Award Manager's favorite of the year
Spoiler
NATHAN BROWN
The manager's favorite is the return of the lost son. Not fully appreciated in our first season, Nathan Brown made a name for himself in the years after his departure as a solid hybrid between climbing and time trialing. We brought him back home, but between Cattaneo and Dennis leadership was sorted in this area. Nevertheless, he managed to score a big amount of points as free element or in the handful of opportunities both men were occupied, and could even assist them towards their GC triumphs. Other favorites are Leandre Marcos, who tied with Haga and Selander for most seasons in our team, and Alvaro Hodeg, our baby who won two stages.
Chad Haga Award Time trialist of the year
Spoiler
MATTIA CATTANEO ROHAN DENNIS
Again, we couldn't really decide who to give this award to. Mattia Cattaneo won a time trial in the Criterium du Dauphine Libere which set him up to finish second in the GC, and his TTs in Bayern Rundfahrt helped him win, but the rides against the clock were also essential in both GC victories for Rohan Dennis, in Norway and Britain, as well as many top ten GC classifications. We proposed settling this award by having them do a race against the clock but both men insisted they are out of shape due to the holidays and the other would win. Honorable mentions for the legendary Jerome Coppel having a legendary ride in Chrono des Herbiers.
Nick Kinney Award Puncheur of the year
Spoiler
ROHAN DENNIS
After some laughable non-recipients of this award failed miserably in this area, we let go of a leader in this area completely. That's not really true, as Rohan Dennis is not a bad puncheur. He's good enough to survive hills while making use of his time trial ability in races where both are needed. For the first time in a long time we can be proud of our best puncheur in the team, even though we have to emphasize he is not truly a puncheur. We do want to give an honorable mention to the de-jure leader: Jasper Stuyven, for scoring 43 points more than expected, though most of them came from a fluke Frankfurt result.
Carlos Alexandre Manarelli Award Secondary leader of the year
Spoiler
DUSAN KALABA
Scoring more stage wins than the leader, Dusan Kalaba shows once again he is a very good sprinter. Sure, Vesely got tougher opposition in the bigger races and by virtue of more opportunities scored more points, but the Serbian's performances delivers him his second award. Does this mean he will receive a more important status next season when we head off to the ProTour? Grand Tour sprinter, for instance? The hypothetical tertiary leader award goes to another sprinter, Alvaro Hodeg, who despite playing third violin still managed stage wins in Austria and Britain.
Yasmani Martinez Award Climber of the year
Spoiler
MATTIA CATTANEO
This one was never in doubt. A rough start in Colombia has us second guessing our transfer choices but Mattia Cattaneo pulled through. Fourth in East Java, second in the Dauphine, and GC victories in Tour de Vineyards and Bayern Rundfahrt. Sure, his abilities against the clock helped him beat the competition but without the climbing he could not have even been in that position. We want to thank Luis Enrique Lemus Davila, Dayer Quintana and Nathan Brown for the support. It also makes us less guilty about not deciding the Chad Haga Award because both men have won another award anyway.
Bjorn Selander Award Talent of the year
Spoiler
MIKKEL BJERG
The premise of the award is probably a bit unfair, as one of the eligible rider is at the end of his talentship and the others are still rookies, but of all the contenders Mikkel Bjerg deserves the most. Touted as one of Denmark's future time trial stars, this year saw his definitive breakthrough with a white jersey in La Tropicale Amissa Bongo, as well as several top thirty finished in time trial races. The Dane is no longer considered a talent next season, so the competition might be more open. While not eligible for the awards due to his loan-in status, we do want to shine a positive light on Evgenii Tikhonin, who won his age category in the Tour Down Under.
Rigoberto Uran Award Rider of the year
Spoiler
MATTIA CATTANEO
Was this ever in doubt? If you take fourth in the PCT individual standings, score more points than everyone ever bar Uran in two seasons, GC winner in Bayern Rundfahrt, GC and stage winner in Tour de Vineyards, runner-up and stage winner in Criterium du Dauphine Libere, we're of course talking about Mattia Cattaneo, taking his 2.5th award. In second place we have the rider who also won two races, Tour of Norway and Tour of Britain, and finished fourteenth individually: Rohan Dennis. On the final spot of the podium is another rider in the individual top thirty, and two-time stage winner in Guadeloupe and Deutschland: Daniel Vesely.
However, because we have achieved promotion we feel like we need to shine a light on all twenty-two riders. Thus, we've decided to create an extra award:
Minions - Subwoolfer Award Team of the year
Spoiler
MIKKEL BJERG NATHAN BROWN MATTIA CATTANEO JEROME COPPEL MATHIAS DE WITTE ROHAN DENNIS FELIX ENGLISH MULU HAILEMICHAEL ALVARO HODEG DUSAN KALABA KAZUSHIGE KUBOKI LUIS ENRIQUE LEMUS DAVILA LEANDRO MARCOS DIDIER MERCHAN SAVVA NOVIKOV DAYER QUINTANA LAUREANO ROSAS JAN STÖCKLI JASPER STUYVEN LAURENS SWEECK EVGENII TIKHONIN DANIEL VESELY
It's the end of the 2022 season. Preparations for 2023 have started. We still cannot believe we finally made it to the ProTour after nine seasons, achieving the goal we set out all the way back in 2014. After three attempts to get out of the bottom division and then five years struggling in the PCT midtable, we're finally here. We did it!
Sadly, with this goal achieved, it's time to say goodbye.
Spoiler
To Subwoolfer
The Norwegian Eurovision superstars joined the team last year in an effort to promote their music. With a tenth place in the Eurovision Song Contest and a third place in the ProContinental Tour, their adventure has certainly been successful. We thanks them for their contribution but it's time for them to focus solely on the music again.
The team will revert to being fully sponsored by the Minions, which it always has been and always will be. We started this journey to dominate the world of cycling and while we're now in the highest division, we surely aren't at the top yet. Give us another few years and the Minions will dominate the ProTour!
Subwoolfer fit in quite well (as did Chiquita back in the day) but I did always like the simplicity of the Minions name, and cool to enter the PT with it back alone
24/02/21 - kandesbunzler said “I don't drink famous people."
15/08/22 - SotD said "Your [jandal's] humour is overrated"
11/06/24 - knockout said "Winning is fine I guess. Truth be told this felt completely unimportant." [ICL] Santos-Euskadi | [PT] Xero Racing
We both know Dusan Kalaba won the most important award ever. I did not mind Subwoolfer being there, but I'm also not sad seeing them go. The Minions are independent and don't need nobody to be a super team. Deserved promotion for you, and not sad personally to see a strong ttt outfit leave the pct division. So from the bottom of my heart, gefeliciflapstaart.
Also might be wise to rename the mick kinney award to the fulgencio bru award #JusticiaParaFulgencio
@knockout - Reunited at last
@jandal7 - The Minions are the heart and soul of the team, and there's no other way I want our adventure in the ProTour to be called.
@AbhishekLFC - Thank you very much!
@Nemolito - Nah, we need to rename the Rigoberto Uran Award in honor of the GOAT.