Sound of wheels turning on asphalt
Welcome at the Jerry Lewis Tribute Show! Today we will continue taking a closer look at one of the dullest sports in history, cycling! Of course, the French are famous for being extremely dull, so it's only right we love the sport more than anything in the world, except our dear, popular president Hollande, obviously. Vive la Republique.
Two days ago we looked at the history of the sport, which included Bobet, Anquetil, that Flemish SoB Merckx, Poulidor and my personal favorite Hinault. We were lucky enough to get Poulidor on the phone and had a nice chat, starting with a prank we pulled on him. We actually wanted to call with Hinault but Poulidor was second choice. Sounds familiar?
Yesterday we took a look at the present cycling situation in France. National hero Voeckler was our biggest topic. Fortunately this is a radio station, so we didn't have to bother you with showing you his collection of faces. Nonetheless, it was fun and we talked about Rolland, Pinot, Offredo, Démare, Chavanel, Coquard...
Finally, today we will talk about the future of French cycling. We followed a young talent during the Tour de Méditerranéen and beyond. His name? Henry Vergnaud. We started dissing him in his debut race, Tour de Bessèges. We think it's nice to start annoying riders early on, so they get used to us being around, asking silly questions. However, young Vergnaud managed to grab the Mountain Jersey in his first professional race, not bad. Of course, that's like the easiest jersey to grab. But still, he's not all scum.
Tour Med: Day 1: Cycling really is boring
We're at Henry's hotel door here, it's quite early in the morning. Let's try to get a first impression of him. We're entering the room quietly.
Yes, it seems he's snoring. There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Henry's first impression at today's stage.
At breakfast, we asked Henry about today's stage. This is what he said: "Stop drinking my orange juice."
He took his first professional victory that same day. Kind of puts that orange juice in perspective, doesn't it, Mr. Vergnaud?
Day 2: Wow, He sucks.
Day two saw young Henry in a yellow jersey. Yellow, like his teeth. He looked like hell and he told us he didn't sleep well that night.
It was a time trial, and boy, did he suck. Losing more than minutes, we were not impressed. But, well, at least we left him alone that evening, isn't that grand of us?
Day 3: When is this over?
Day 3 and we were kind of bored. However, the finale of this race was quite exciting, even for this sour reporter. Henry Vergnaud with a great move and he was moving up the General Classification again. For those unfamiliar with cycling, the General Classification is a competition for biggest no-lifer in the race. Of course, dopers also perform well there. So during the race, we rampaged Henry's room. We didn't find any drugs, but he'll have to explain the 25 condoms, though.
Day 4: I want to eat my brains
On day 4, a Colombian little guy won. What? In a French race? Shame on all the French riders. We took revenge and rampaged Henry's room again, this time for fun. We only found 20 condoms now, though. Henry?
Oh, and Henry also was missing for a while. Keeping our fingers crossed, the jerk showed up eventually. We went to ask him where he was, maybe it was related to those condoms? "I met the perfect woman," he said. Well, we wish Henry a lot of happiness with Igor Anton.
Day 5: No Comment
Day 5 was a day of cycling war. We decided to actually follow the race for once and it was quite amusing. We pranked Henry and handed him an empty water bottle. All of a sudden, we're the assholes? That boy hasn't got his story straight.
All in all, he rode a decent race, though. We were so happy it was over we turned homewards. All that was left was an interview we'd be having tomorrow!
Interview: Hello, I'm your mother's best girlfriend.
Knock, knock.
That little SoB isn't answering his door.
Knock, knock.
And it's only 5 in the morning. He sure is lazy for a cyclist.
After 4 hours, he opened his door and invited us in for coffee.
"Sure, I'll have a little."
Henry's home is quite cozy, and there were some nice pictures on a the wall.
I pointed to one in particular. "A playboy model?"
"No, what the hell, that's my sister, you're sick."
Well, talk about stating the obvious.
Time to get the interview started.
Radio B: Well, Henry. First of all, congratulations on your first professional victory as a cyclist. It didn't look hard to me, but, okay, you did it.
H. Vergnaud; Thanks? I really didn't see it coming and it was just an amaz---
Radio B: Yeah, yeah, don't tell us your life story, Henry. So, we actually have only one question we really want to ask you. Are you ready for it?
H. Vergnaud; I guess so.
Radio B: We found quite some condoms. Can you explain those?
H. Vergnaud; What? I didn't bring any c---
Radio B: Well we didn't plant them. Anyway, Henry, we wish you the best of luck with your career.
H. Vergnaud; Okay, well th---
We stood up and left. In the meantime, though, Louie had gone upstairs and peed on his plants, that'll teach him.
All in all, it was nice meeting Henry and we hope to bump into him later in his career.
Now it's time for the 10 o' clock news. After the news, we'll take a closer look at silk bras. Unfortunately for our listeners, this is a radio program. But we'll be sure to have a blast!
I guess that's the last time they will allow him to break away 
thanks!
