“Oh god this is a terrible idea Lucy. Everyones going to hate me, I’m going to finish last… Why did you think this was a good idea!�

We were at a Time Trial organised by Lucy’s old club, the Leicestershire Road Club. It was an open event to anyone who turned up with a bike. She was here partly for publicity and partly to say thanks and keep up with her club. I was here because she thought it would be a nice start to cycling again.

Nervous didn’t quite describe my feelings. More I guess anxiety and fear. As much as I tried not to I read some online forums, and I was widely disliked on them. I also read the news and things where I was used an example of cheating and general bad professional behaviour. Yet here I was about to take part in a race event in front of a hundred people.

Jakstar22 wrote:
Wow. I just read the whole thing and I am amazed at how great this is a fantastic try and beating the comeback. Although drugs is becoming the automatic reaction when you don't know what to write I think. Fantastic job Manx.

TheManxMissile wrote:


Great to get someone else reading. Awards has probably given me a huge boost in readership.
Drugs were planned with the original Karl story way back in 2012. The fact it came so close after The Comeback season 12 was just really strange. Fortunately it got there in a very different way, and it's end location is equally different

“Name?�
“Karl Hammarling�
“Experience?�
“Ex-Professional� “Oh… So you’re Karl Hammarling… Well this is your start time, and the line is over there… jackass�

Yep, this was not going to be a fun day at all. You’d imagine all eyes would be on the 21 year old blonde in a skin-suit who was a National and Former World Champion… Nope! They were all on me, and they were not happy or accepting eyes.

So I avoided pretty much everyone while I waited to start. Lucy was busy doing her PR pieces and was chatting to various members and public who were there. I never felt quite so far away from her before, even when she was away racing. This was a new level of separation. We lived in two worlds now.

Lucy: The National Champion and media darling. Everyone loves her and she will be the UK’s next big female cycling star.
Karl: The Doper and the Unprofessional. The Villain. Everyone hates him because of the doping, and he has deservedly lost it all.

I tried my best to put these thoughts to one-side as I took my position on the start line. It was hard but as the countdown faded away I found some focus on the task at hand. All I had to do was ride fast, and that I could do.

It was just a simple run around some A-Roads, 10miles total length. It would have been a great route for me, save for the fact I had no desire and faded fitness. It didn’t take long for my muscles to start burning and my breathing to become ragged.

I gripped the bars tighter and pushed on. This wasn’t about setting a good time. Lucy wanted it to re-ignite my passion for cycling. For me it was about making her happy. So I had to push through the pain and at least finish the route.

The wide roads were being swept with winds. Crosswinds seem to follow me around. This is where my leaner frame and big power would be a help compared to the standard riders. Whenever a gust came through I upped my cadence to power through the obstacles. With each gust I put down more power. The more power the fast I went. The faster I went the more I found myself having fun.

When I crossed the finish I didn’t want to stop! It wasn’t the same passion that I had before, but I had enjoyed myself. For the first time in months I had actually had fun. It was clear in Lucy’s face that this made her happy as well.

Lucy didn’t stay home long. The Worlds called her away again in mid-September. They were being held in France for the first time in several years. It wasn’t far away but for me anything was too far at the moment. I don’t want to sound like an overly attached boyfriend or creep, but Lucy is the only good thing in my life.

The time trial event hadn’t done long term good. Yes it was great to finish and I was swept up in the excitement again. But almost as soon as I got back I could only remember the looks and the sly comments people made. I was on the verge of coming back to reality, when I had to focus on cleaning and some support from Johan and Lucy.

It just took that day out to send me back the other way. Since then I’ve barely spoken to Lucy. I’ve stopped going out places, I mean I can manage shopping but nothing more. I’ve stopped returning phone calls and emails. To most people I just dropped off the earth, and most of the time I wish I actually had done.

It was only two weeks but I really went off the tracks. The end of the European season had spawned a new set of calls from the media, all of them wanting to talk about my doping. I read some articles about my old teams and friends. Node4 were still PCT and doing well. But Phil had moved on upwards to Lotto-Artois in the World Tour. Marcin had also moved onwards to Bayer-Quickstep in the World Tour. Cronshaw and Thwaites are joining up with Sky.

Motorola had scrapped hard for promotion, but just fallen short in the final few races. They were bringing in a couple of exciting young riders and would most likely move onwards to promote next season. Valls had left as had a couple of the other guys, all in various directions.

Lucy was staying with O2-Honda but would get more money and more leadership. Everyone was doing new things, getting new chances, moving onwards with their careers and lives. It just contrasted against me, stuck here in someone else’s flat with nothing ahead.

Jakstar22 wrote:
Travis get on that bike and just ride with Lucy. Reignite that passion.

Ian Butler wrote:


Travis? What the hell

Jakstar22 wrote:
Karl get on that bike and just ride with Lucy. Reignite that passion.

sutty68 wrote:


Riding Lucy would definitely re-ignite the passion